Letting Go

"You know how when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales, that fantasy of what your life would be, white dress, prince charming who would carry you away to a castle on a hill. You would lie in bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, Prince Charming, they were so close you could taste them, but eventually you grow up, one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is its hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely cause almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope, of faith, that one day they will open their eyes and it will come true."

"No matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse."

Full of Questions

This week has been a very tough week! I recently found out that I was not hired for two different jobs that I had interviewed for. The days have been filled with many tears and times of asking the question why? I feel very confused and lost. I have no idea where to go from here.

Music

I sit here at home and there has never been more of a time that I have wanted to go out and get drunk and try to forget for a night everything that is going on and what has happened to me. There are things that I need to let go of and it is a battle. Then i started listening to some music and this song came up in my playlist. It is amazing how music is used and the lyrics speak for me. It is a cry to God!

I was tired of waiting
Playing all the games and
Living in a place that was not for me
So I thought it was time
For me to get what's mine
And to do it all, everything I dreamed
What I thought was the best for me turned to be
All the worst I could find

If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore
If I run to you
Will you hold me in your arms forevermore

Now I got a feeling
That I've got to leave and
Find a way back to where I came from
Though I don't deserve it
I know it's unheard but
Living here without you, my life is done
I confess that I shouldn't have run from you
Now I know I was wrong

Nowhere to run to
And no one to turn to
I'm dying out here on my own
Long before I even thought of returning
Your arms are wide open
Waiting for me to come home

Unexpected Blessings

If you would have asked me a year ago where i would be today; this would not have been what i would have described. I had a very different idea of what i would be doing. I thought I would have a full time social work job with an apartment and in a relationship with the man that I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Life had other ideas of what would transpire over the past year. These past few months have been months from hell. There have been struggles and pain that have occured in my life this past year that I never would have anticipated 12 months ago. A year ago i was looking forward to my senior year with high expectations of life, love and joy. Somewhere that was all lost and now i sitting down trying to learn how to breathe again and crying out to a God that I abandoned along the way.

The way i planned life is not how it turned out but in the midst of it all, there have been some unexpected blessings. I didn't think that I would still be working for a catering company but here i am and what a blessing they have been to me. My boss is giving me all the hours she can and for that i am grateful. I have been given the opportunity to spend my time volunteering. I know that things will fall into place and it is through the trials and struggles that I grow the most. I love this song by India Arie and I am trying to take on this attitude

Life is a journey,
Not a destination,
There are no mistakes,Just chances we’ve taken
Lay down your regrets cause all we have is now.
Wake up in the morning
And get out of bed.
Start making a mental list in my head.
Of all of the things that I am grateful for

Early in the morning
It’s the dawn of a new day
New hopes new dreams new ways
I open up my eyes and
I open up my mind and
I wonder how life will surprise me today
Early in the morning
It’s the dawn of a new day
New hopes new dreams new ways
I open up my heart and
I’m gon’ do my part and
Make this a positively beautiful day


Life is a challenge not a competition
You can still smell the roses and be on a mission
Just take a moment to get in touch with your heart
Sometimes you feel like you’ve got something to prove
Remind yourself that there’s only one you
Just take a moment to give thanks of who you are
Early in the morning
It’s the dawn of a new day
New hopes, new dreams, new ways
I open up my eyes and
I open up my mind and
I wonder how life will surprise me today

Early in the morning
It’s the dawn of a new day
New hopes, new dreams, new ways
I open up my heart and
I’m gon’ do my part and
Make this a positively beautiful day

Let’s make this a wonderful
Let’s make this a powerful
Let’s make this a Beautiful Day
It’s a Beautiful Day

Life is a journey,
Not a destination,
There are no mistakes,
Just chances we’ve taken
Lay down your regrets cause all we have is now

A Good Laugh!!!

Life

I am officially a college graduate! This past year has been one to remember! Here are some pictures from the last semester of my undergrad career.

Uncertainty

"I want to live life to the fullest. But no matter how strongly i once believed, I am no longer sure about God or the reason for praying or the need for Bible study. Truth seems like something gray without lines or definition and I can no longer clearly state what I believe and what I don't believe."

Things are changing and it scares me. I have no idea where my future is going. I am leaving what is safe in less than a month and for the first time in my life I don't have a plan. I have no idea where or what I am doing and that terrifies me.