Broken & Confused

I have moved back to school. I am starting to get into the groove of schoolwork and friends. This semester will be challenging and stressful but I know through God's help I will get through it. I have to be honest though that these three weeks have been hell and have been a huge struggle. I have been going through so much. I have been struggling with my relationship with God and I don't feel like myself right now. I feel as if I am in a haze and I cannot get out. Through the midst of these difficult times of doubts, insecurities, and confusion I am learning to rely on my Savior. I am learning that I don't know my God and I don't understand his Gospel of grace. I am realizing that I need a new kind of relationship with my Father. One that drives out fear and mistrust, anxiety and guilt. One that permits me to be hopeful, joyous, trusting and compassionate. I am realizing that I have to come to my savior naked and broken. I am learning that I have never laid hold of my nothingness before God. I have always developed a false sense of security from my good works and scrupulous observance of the law. But God is starting to take those walls down. I am realizing that I need to take ownership of my powerlessness and helplessness and acknowledge that I am a pauper at the door of God's mercy, then maybe God can make something beautiful out of me. I am nothing apart from Christ. I don't know how to describe really what I am going through but I am realizing more and more just how little I deserve God's love and acceptance. I am nothing apart from him. I need him more today than I ever have.

"To be alive is to be broken. And to be broken is to stand in need of grace"