Broken & Confused

I have moved back to school. I am starting to get into the groove of schoolwork and friends. This semester will be challenging and stressful but I know through God's help I will get through it. I have to be honest though that these three weeks have been hell and have been a huge struggle. I have been going through so much. I have been struggling with my relationship with God and I don't feel like myself right now. I feel as if I am in a haze and I cannot get out. Through the midst of these difficult times of doubts, insecurities, and confusion I am learning to rely on my Savior. I am learning that I don't know my God and I don't understand his Gospel of grace. I am realizing that I need a new kind of relationship with my Father. One that drives out fear and mistrust, anxiety and guilt. One that permits me to be hopeful, joyous, trusting and compassionate. I am realizing that I have to come to my savior naked and broken. I am learning that I have never laid hold of my nothingness before God. I have always developed a false sense of security from my good works and scrupulous observance of the law. But God is starting to take those walls down. I am realizing that I need to take ownership of my powerlessness and helplessness and acknowledge that I am a pauper at the door of God's mercy, then maybe God can make something beautiful out of me. I am nothing apart from Christ. I don't know how to describe really what I am going through but I am realizing more and more just how little I deserve God's love and acceptance. I am nothing apart from him. I need him more today than I ever have.

"To be alive is to be broken. And to be broken is to stand in need of grace"

Magnificent & Amazing

This makes me tremble and stand in awe of my creator. I have no doubts that there is a God and he is the creator of the universe

"Joseph Campbell wrote of "a perception of a cosmic order, mathmatically definable." As they contemplated the order of the Earth, solar system, and the stellar universe, scientist and scholars have concluded that the Master Planner left nothing to chance.
The slant of the earth, for example, tilted at an angle of twenty-three degrees, produces our seasons. Scientist tell us that if the Earth had not been tilted exactly as it is, vapors from the oceans would move both north and south, piling vast continents of ice.
If the moon were only 50,000 miles away from earth instead of 250,000, the tides might be so enormous that all continents would be submerged in water-even the mountains would be eroded.
If the crust of the earth had been only ten feet thicker, there would be no oxygen, and without it all animal life would die.
Had the oceans been a few feet deeper, carbon dioxide and oxygen would have been absorbed and no vegetable life would exist.
The Earth's weight has been estimated at six sextillion tons(that a six with 21 zeros). Yet it is perfectly balanced and turns easily on its axis. It rotates daily at the rate of more than a thousand miles per hour or 25,000 miles each day. This adds up to nine million miles a year.Considering the tremenedous weight of six sextillion tons rolling at the fantastic speed around an invisible axis, held in place by unseen bands of gravitation.
The earth revolves in its orbit around the sun, making the long elliptical circle about a six hundred million miles each year which means we are traveling through space at nineteen miles per second or about 68,000 miles per hour.
Consider the sun. Every square yard of the sun's surface is emitting a constand energy level of 130,000 horsepower in flames that are being produced by an energy source much more powerful than coal.
The nine major planets in our solar system range in distance from the sun from 36 million to about 3,664 million miles, yet each moves around the sun in exact precision.
Still, the sun is only one minor star among the 100 billion burning orbs that comprise our Milky Way galaxy. If you were to hold out a dime at arm's length while gazing at the night sky, that coin would block out 15 million stars from your view, if your eyes could see with that power."

Lost

I can't believe it. The summer is coming to a close and I head back to school in about two weeks. I am excited for what is in store but at the same time, I am afraid that i will settle back into the same routine and will forget about all that i have learned this summer and that I will begin to be complacent in my faith. I love IWU but sometimes it feels like a bubble. I have a new job offer and i am going down early for the interview. I hope I get the job. I also have the opportunity to help out with freshman orientation.
I have been taking some time to just evaluate my life and where i am at. I have been doing some soul searching. I have also been looking at how i relate to others. I have to be honest with myself. I am lost. I have been lying to myself and to God. I don't know the person that I see when I look in the mirror. How have i let myself become this person. I look at myself and hate what I see. I have let my relationship with my savior become routine and I have lost my first love. I have learned that I am weak-willed. i am consumed with my fears. It makes me unstable and needy. I am so self-absorbed and care more about what people think of me than I want to admit. I am not really sure that God loves me just the way I am, my starving soul tries to get filling from others, and when they don't give enough, I retreat into self pity and then depression. I go to bible studies but my life really never changes because there is nothing inside for the truth to latch on to.
Here is my prayer and where I want to be. "The one thing I desire is just to know you more. To live a life that moves and breathes and loves to bring you joy, so fill me with a fire that burns away my doubts and all my fears into a place where you are all I hear. Its the one things I desire to do what you require is the one thing I desire. To love when I'd rather turn away. To give when I am more resigned to take, to reach out a hand to someone who feels alone. The way you reached for me when there seemed to be no hope. I'll live my life serving Christ, offering a sacrifice of praise."

Rollar Coasters

I love rollar coasters. I love the thrill that you have when you are hanging hundreds of feet in the air. There is something about it that just draws me in. It might be the fact that I am taking a risk or the adrenaline that is inside of me. I don't know, but I love them. I stand in line for hours to go on a ride that will last a minute or two if even that long. I walk off the ride and say man that was worth it. All that waiting was worth it.
I am placing my life into the hands of a little seat belt that holds me in and prevents me from freefalling to my death. I am trusting the people that are running the rides. I am trusting that they know what they are doing and that the ride that I am about ready to go on is running ok. I can go to cedar point for the day and have the time of my life but when it comes to life, I like to keep my feet planted firmly on the ground and I don't like to let them leave the ground. It seems as if God is taking me on a rollar coaster and I am free-falling hundreds of feet. It is like the millenium force. I am in the front seat and I can't see anything as I am falling headfirst. God is saying that I need to trust him. He will not let anything happen to me and that he knows what he is doing. This past week and summer has been a rollar coaster for me. My emotions have been crazy. I start to have doubts about different things. Just like when you are going up that first hill of Millenium Force. You are saying to yourself "What was I thinking?" You are asking yourself what you got yourself into? I know that this is a testing point for me. I know that God has a plan and that I need to trust him and accept his love. There is this song that I have been playing over and over. It is called worth it all. As I go on this ride of life. I know that at the end of these trials I will say that it will be worth it.

Patience

"So be truly glad. There is wonderful joy ahead, even though you have to endure many trials for a little while. These trials will show that your faith is genuine. It is being tested as fire tests and purifies gold- though your faith is far more precious than mere gold. So when your faith remains strong through many trials, it will bring you much praise and glory and honor on the day when Jesus Christ is revealed to the whole world" 1Peter 1:6-7

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today and forever" Hebrews 13:8

"Don't worry about anything; instead pray about everything. Tell God what you need and thank him for what all he has done. Then you will experiece God's peace. which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live In Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:6-7

This has been a tough summer. Unlike any other summer. God is taking me through the fire and testing me like I have never been tested. Things are happening that I cannot do on my own. I have to trust God that he knows what he is doing and that he has a plan. I am scared to death what the coming months and year will look like but I know that I serve a God who has it under control and that I can trust him. I pray that in the midst of harship that I will have a joy and peace that only God can give me. I know that it will all work out for the glory of him. Even in the midst of it all, God has given me so much. I want to take advantage of all that God had given me. I don't want to waste what he has blessed me with. I want to make the most of this summer, even though it has not gone as planned. I want to continue building friendships and enjoying the friends that God has placed in my life for such a time as this. I pray that we will go even deeper as friends.

Confused

I prayed a scary prayer last week. It was a prayer of surrender. I gave God everything. I said that he has all of me and can use me however he wants. It scares me. For the first time in my life, i am not in control anymore. I told God that i am his, rich or poor, married or single. I belong to him. Since that time i have been more confused then ever. The job that i thought i had fell through. Right now i have no job. I don't know how i am going to earn money. The place that i have been working during the summer months in the past is not giving me hours. I don't know where God is leading me. For the first time in my life, I have no plan. I don't know what tomorrow will bring let alone this next summer and school year. God is asking me to trust him when i cannot see anything in front of me. I know he will guide and direct me. His timing is perfect. My prayer is that i will quiet myself so that I can hear his still small voice of direction. "Teach me how to live O Lord. Lead me along the right path. Wait patiently for the Lord. Be brave and courageous. Yes, wait patiently on the Lord." I don't know what this summer will bring but I do know that God is going to take me out of my comfort zone and make me uncomfortable. May I be able to discern what he wants from me for the summer and the coming school year.

I went to prison today. Just thought you should all know.

I Don't Understand

There are some things that I will never understand. I will share one of them. I was spending my Monday afternoon like I usually do. Spending time at First Light Child Advocacy Center. What I don't understand is how someone can intentionally abuse a child; whether it is sexually, physically or emotionally. I was playing with these two little girls and all I could think about is that they will have to go back into the interview room and tell their story. Tell a story that includes abuse. Things have happened to these girls that I cannot even begin to describe. It is not fair, right or just. I just don't understand how anyone could do this to two innocent children. Over the past two years or so there have been over 800 cases of abuse in Grant county or surrounding counties. I just can't even begin to comprehend it. To be honest. I really don't want to. It makes me so mad. When will this stop. We need to realize that these children deserve to be protected. We need to do everything we can to prevent this from happening.

One word

I feel this blog is a way for me to share my journey with you, that includes my journey with Christ, friends, family, etc. I have come to one realization today. LIFE IS NOT ALL ABOUT ME. I know, I know, all of you guys know that and it should be obvious but it is taking me a long time to get the idea:) I guess I just get so caught up in what i am going through that i miss out on what is going around me and that there are more important things than what I am going through. I can be so selfish and so self-centered. God is doing so much in this world and I am missing it because I am so focused on myself. He is telling me to wake up and look around. He is teaching me that he wants to use me but until I lay myself down, my pride down, he cannot and willnot unless I get my focus on the right person and that person is Jesus Christ. I think life can be summed up in one word. That one word is SERVING!!!!! I think Jesus' ministry can be summed up in one word.. SERVING!!! When we serve we take on the likeness of Christ. We do ministry the way it is suppossed to be. Christ shows through when we realize that we must decrease so that he may increase.

How do we serve? What does serving look like? I think that it can take on many facets. It doesn't have a certain mold that it lives by. I don't have it all figured out and I may never, but I do know this. I need to get off my lazy butt and do it. No excuses. As Christians it is not only our duty but it is also our responsibility.

I think this is what can happen when we start serving
*I have a vision of IWU students catching this urge and desire to serve the city of Marion IN
*The city of Marion transformed because students took the time to invest in the city in which they reside for 8 months out of the year.
* A revival that breaks out on the campus of IWU, college students would move from religioun to Christ followers and living out the ministry of Jesus in today's society.

So now i am going to get off my soap box but my prayer is that as followers of Jesus Christ we will have this passion to serve others. It will not be done out of obligation but out of desire.

Alone

I have never felt more alone than at this very time in my life. I don't feel God's presence and I feel like a misfit everywhere I go. I feel that I don't fit in at school and at home. I feel Satan attacking me and I am believing his lies. I don't know what to do. A friend of mine wrote this about 5 months ago but it totally describes it best and I could not put it any better.

"Ever feel as though you are in a world full of people, but yet you feel all alone. In a world that you don't fit in, even with your closest friends and family. A place you don't know how to communicate what you really feel. A place where you have no one to confide in because they have their world and you have yours. A place where you keep arms length distances from everyone and everything because you are afraid of getting hurt. A place where you feel as though you have battle alone. A place where you feel unloved, unaccepted, unworthy. Unworthy of the gift of life. Unworthy of the Love that God gives. Unable to accept His Love and Mercy. Struggling to get by day in and day out. Feeling as though you have failed in evey area of life"

Uncertainty

I feel so inadequate and confused. I don't know what God wants me to do with my life. I feel so unqualified and scared to death to be a social worker. I feel that i am not strong enough to do that type of work. I have a job interview on Friday at a mental health facility in which I will be working in an inpatient facility with troubled kids and teens. I don't know if I am ready for this. I am really scared. I am afraid that I am going to fail. I don't know if I can do it. I don't know if I can be a social worker. What would I do if I didn't do that. I don't have a clue. I am afraid to take risks. I don't want to do something that I will not succeed in. I don't want to fail these kids. Am I strong enough? Do I have what it takes to do this job and to make a difference in the lives of these kids. Will I blow it. Is this what God's wants me to do. I don't know.

God is Faithful

It is the end of another school year. As I begin to reflect on the past year I begin to see some themes that appear. To be quite honest this has been a very hard year but I look back and I can see that I have grown through this time. A year ago today I was packing my bags moving out of Shatford with a sad but hard heart. It was during the summer months that I struggled with whether I wanted to follow Christ. I was struggling with what I believed and why I believed it. God finally gave me the choice, do i choose him or do I chose to live life my way. I didn't realize that when i chose to follow him that he would take me down a road that would be rough and long but would bring me closer to him. At the end of July, my family found out that my mom had cancer. That changed my world. I can't explain what I felt at the moment the doctor told us the news. My world was turned up-side down. I suddenly didn't know if I was even going to return to school in the fall. I moved into school in September with feelings of uncertainty and apprehension. It has been a long journey. Trials and tribulations. This year has been a time of testing and growth. God is building in me character. He is not done. I have lots more to learn. God is showing me that he is in control and that I need to trust him and his timing. He has asked me to surrender things that I was scared to give up. It meant that I was not in the drivers seat anymore but through it all God has proven that he is faithful. I desire to be a woman after God's own heart.
The verses of the year:

"2Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me, for the Lord has anointed me to bring good news to the poor. He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted and to proclaim that captives will be released and prisoners will be freed.

I am not, but I know the I AM

EASTER

My favorite holiday. EASTER. What makes me so excited is to be able to gather with fellow believers on a Sunday morning and rejoice with each other because of God's great love and grace we are now able to be sons and daughters of the living God. What Jesus did on that cross is amazing and i hope I never lose sight of that, but even more important is what happened on Sunday. He rose from the grave . He defeated death. What I think is an awesome thing that our church decided to do this past Sunday, is to have a baptism on Easter. I cannot put into words what I felt. It was so powerful and so exciting. The joy on their faces when they came out of the water. God was present in that place. I could sense the joy on his face seeing his sons and daughters profess through the act of baptism that they choose to serve him with their lives. It was also a time of freedom. I think as a body of believers we felt the freedom and the chains being lifted because of what Christ did on that Sunday so very long ago. We realize how extravagant his love really his and the extreme measures he took to get our attention.

Chicago

This weekend I was able to head up to the great windy city of Chicago. It was amazing. I LOVE big cities. Chicago is one of the top cities that I love. Of course New York City is my number 1.

Anyway. I went with about 30 girls from the social work department. It was a weekend of cultural diversity and an urban experience. It did not go exactly as planned but it allows for a great story as you will see. We were split into groups of about 4-5 girls and we were dropped off at certain points in the city. Well we were all dropped off in the south side of Chicago. My group gets out of the vans and we start walking. Not even a block later a cop car pulls over and asks us if we know where we are and if we are lost. We say that we are trying to get to the train station to get on the train to go to Fullerton street. Well they were not happy and they told us to get into the car. We were unsure if we should do this but we got in. They started asking us questions and why the f-ing reason we were in that neighborhood. We proceeded to tell them that it was a school trip. They proceeded to cuss out our professor(who was not with us by the way). They then told us that we have to contact every group and let them know where they all were so that they could pick them up. They then dropped us off at the train station and we went to get our tickets. As we were waiting for the train two more cops came and started talking to us. They would not let us get on the train till the other groups showed up. Come to find out that this is so called the murder capital of Chicago and that three people were shot on Tuesday night and we were there on Friday. It was a predominately African American neighborhood. I didn' t realize until after this trip how much race really plays into how people are treated. We then jumped on the train and found our way to the place where we were staying. The rest of the trip was exciting and I learned a lot. We went to Emmaus Ministries , which is a ministry that works with male prostitutes and works to try to get them to change. Their main focus though is to reach out to these guys and to be like a family to them This is an amazing ministry and God is doing great things through this ministry. They really are practicing what they preach. They are the image of Christ. They have the attitude of Christ and are reaching out to the unlovable. It is so awesome. It makes me want to get off my butt and do something. I am so sick of this whole religion thing and how we just hang out with people that dress and act like us. Like there is this certain mold that we have to have. We sit in our nice pews with dressy outfits and call ourselves Christians. There is a world out there that is hurting and needs to see Christ in us. We are called to be barbarian Christians.
We were also able to visit the International Center for Krishna Consciousness which is a branch off of Hindi. It was interesting to see how they worshiped and what they believed. Its amazing that Christianity is embedded into every religion. In many ways they are preaching Christianity and don't even know it. Some of what they believe is not right and is twisted but it was interesting to see it. We may not agree with what they believe but I think that we still need to respect them. I think they know more of the Bible than I do. That should encourage me to become more knowledgeable about the Bible. One of the last things that we did on this trip was A play or musical called Memphis Soul. It was amazing. It was in this little theatre in Uptown Chicago but it was incredible. Their voices were amazing. They did an excellent job.
I learned so much on this trip. I will talk later on what I took away from this trip.
Sorry for such a long post

Trust

So to be quite honest I am having a hard time being content being single right now. As I have stated in previous posts that i see couples all around campus and it seems that everyone is entering into a dating relationship. I think I try to take this into my own hands because I feel that I must get the best for myself because God may not give it to me. I think that is why I surrender this issue and then pick it back up. It all comes back to trust. I found this quote that I really just want to share. As you can tell I am all about quotes:)

"Ladies, God gives you the choice between his plans and yours. In the midst of her circumstances Ruth could not have possibly seen that a man like Boaz would one day be her prince. Neither can you with your limited perspective so who or where your prince will be. Only God has all things in view. Are you trying to control your own life? Are you making plans for your life that only God should make? Don't settle for less than God's best. Surrender the terrible burdon of always needing life on your terms. Don't look back one day and regret that you made your life mate choice from a limited perspective because you longed for the security of a relationship. God can and will give you his best if you wait for it."

Wow! It has been a month since I have updated. So much has happened since that time. The school year is coming to a close. I can't believe that in a couple of months I will be 21 and a junior in college. Time seems to just fly by. Two more years and I will be out on my own. To be quite honest that scares me to death, but I know that God is in control. This past weekend I went and watched Fiddler on the Roof which was presented by the drama team here at Indiana Wesleyan. It was a great play. They did an awesome job. Yesterday I was able to play tennis for the first time this spring. It was so nice to get back out on the courts. It was so great to see so many people outside yesterday. Spring has finally arrived and that makes me excited. You can just smell it in the air. I love it:) The campus comes alive this time of year. I have been trying to get back in shape and I have been running about 2 miles everyday. I would really like to be running about three by the time school gets out. I don't know if I will make it or not. I am training for a 5-k that will be in my hometown in April. We will see how that all works out. God has been really working in my life. As I walk around campus it seems that there are couples everywhere. It has been really hard for me and so many times I find myself so discontent at where I am at and God just gently tapes me on the shoulder and tells me that he is enough and that i need to love him with all of my heart, soul, mind and strength. He needs to be the love of my life. I am not ready to date until I am content not dating. Along with just realizing how much I need to focus on Christ as the love of my life, I have this desire to be a woman of grace and humility. My prayer the past month has been

"may I be a woman who wears the crown of beauty. One who is not haughty. May I not be pretentious. I desire to be thankful and lovely and peaceful. Being pursued and embraced by God while going through the fire. May I walk with my head held high yet my heart bowed low in reverence. May I speak with the wisdom of one who has participated in the mercy of God, instead of the rambling words that come from those who have only read about him. God may I ache for the lost and rejoice with the found. Cry with the sinners and celebrate with the forgiven. I don't want to walk in perfection but in confidence. May I stand in the dark until you God come to my rescue. I desire to jump form the platform of my dreams into your strong arms underneath. May I come to know more and more of the depths of your great love. God may I truly know my weaknesses so that I am not appalled by the weaknesses of others. I want to be the woman I begin to think and feel and give like the King of Heaven. May I be an oak of righteousness, a radient display of your splendor. "

Jokes

Here are some jokes that I found to be quite humorous

Yo mama is so ugly she walked into a huanted house and came out with an application.


101 Ways To Annoy People
1. Sing the Batman theme incessantly.
2. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sensual massage."
3. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."
4. Learn Morse code, and have conversations with friends in public consisting entirely of "Beeeep Bip Bip Beeep Bip..."
5. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others.
6. Amuse yourself for endless hours by hooking a camcorder to your TV and then pointing it at the screen. <
7. Speak only in a "robot" voice.
8. Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
9. Start each meal by conspicuously licking all your food, and announce that this is so no one will "swipe your grub".
10. Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 98 copies.
11. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets.
12. Sniffle incessantly.
13. Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
14. Name your dog "Dog."
15. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up."
16. Reply to everything someone says with "that's what YOU think."
17. Claim that you must always wear a bicycle helmet as part of your "astronaut training."
18. Declare your apartment an independent nation, and sue your neighbors upstairs for "violating your airspace".
19. Forget the punchline to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot." 2
0. Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with Lysol.
21. Practice making fax and modem noises.
22. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc:" them to your boss.
23. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
24. Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance.
25. Erect an elaborate network of ropes in your backyard, and tell the neighbors you are a "spider person."
26. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with the prophesy."
27. Wear a special hip holster for yourremote control.
28. Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
29. Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears.
30. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room.
31. Give a play-by-play account of a persons every action in a nasal Howard Cosell voice.
32. Holler random numbers while someone is counting.
33. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
34. Drum on every available surface.
35. Staple papers in the middle of the page.
36. Ask 1-800 operators for dates.
37. Produce a rental video consisting entirely of dire FBI copyright warnings.
38. Sew anti-theft detector stripsinto peoples backpacks.
39. Hide dairy products in inaccessible places.
40. Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
41. Set alarms for random times.
42. Order a side of pork rinds with your filet mignon.
43. Instead of Gallo, serve Night Train next Thanksgiving.
44. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a "croaking" noise.
45. Honk and wave to strangers.
46. Dress only in clothes colored Hunters Orange.
47. Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
48. Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
49. Wear your pants backwards.
50. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints by the cash register.
51. Begin all your sentences with "ooh la la!"
52. ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
53. only type in lowercase.
54. dont use any punctuation either
55. Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets.
56. Pay for your dinner with pennies.
57. Tie jingle bells to all your clothes.
58. Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
59. Write "X - BURIED TREASURE" in random spots on all of someone's roadmaps.
60. Inform everyone you meet of your personal Kennedy assassination/UFO/ O.J Simpson conspiracy theories.
61. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times: "Do you hear that?" "What?" "Never mind, its gone now."
62. Light road flares on a birthday cake.
63. Wander around a restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
64. Leave tips in Bolivian currency.
65. Demand that everyone address you as "Conquistador."
66. At the laundromat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
67. When Christmas caroling, sing "Jingle Bells, Batman smells" until physically restrained.
68. Wear a cape that says "Magnificent One."
69. As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
70. Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
71. Pretend your computer's mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
72. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "no, wait, I messed it up," and repeat.
73. Drive half a block.
74. Inform others that they exist only in your imagination.
75. Ask people what gender they are.
76. Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back.
77. Cultivate a Norwegian accent. If Norwegian, affect a Southern drawl.
78. Routinely handcuff yourself to furniture, informing the curious that you don't want to fall off "in case the big one comes".
79. Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song.
80. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head. like a parakeet.
81. Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day.
82. Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September
.83. Change your name to "AaJohn Aaaaasmith" for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each "a."
84. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
85. Chew on pens that you've borrowed.
86. Wear a LOT of cologne.
87. Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing."
88. Sing along at the opera.
89. Mow your lawn with scissors.
90. At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batabatabata-suhWING-batter!"
91. Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend."
92. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme.
93. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."
94. Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture."
95. Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times.
96. Never make eye contact.
97. Never break eye contact.
98. Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn.
99. Construct your own pretend "tricorder," and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. 100. Make appointments for the 31st of September.
101. Invite lots of people to other people's parties.

?'s

What does it mean to be the Church?
What is the Church supposed to look like?
What does community look like?
What is authenticity look like?
What if God's people prayed?
What if we went beyond the surface in our relationships?
What if we served the least of these?
What if we dreamt big?
What if revival started in the hearts of college students?
What if we would stop placing God in a box?
What if IWU students had a heart for the people of Marion IN?
What if we had enough faith to see heaven on Earth?
What if I surrendered everything to God?
What if we would look past outward appearance?
What if we stepped out of the boat?

I think something that we can't even begin to imagine would start to take p.lace

Check this out. Please read some of these stories http://www.marshill.org/stories.php. Just click on the pictures

God is bigger than my world. There is something big happening and I want to be a part of it.
I sense a stirring in my spirit. Something big is happening inside of me and I don't know how to put it into words.

Two statements that I cannot get out of my head

"Allowing God to have and use us is basic to legacy living. No one lives to himself. What we do with what we've got will determine what we get."

***God is more interested in our availability than our ability***

Heaven is Here and Now

I am reading the book Velvet Elvis and it is radically changing my view on Christianity and how I view God. God is showing me truth that is relevent to me today. It puts awe inside of me when I think about my savior and what he has done for me. I want to share a little from the book. I hope everyone reads this book.

So this reality, this forgiveness, this reconciliation, is true for everybody. Paul insisted that when Jesus died on the cross, he was reconciling all things in heaven and on earth to God. All things everywhere. This reality then isn't something we make true about ourselves by doing something. It is already true. Our choice is to live in this new reality or cling to a reality of our own making
God is retelling each of our stories in Jesus. All the bad parts and the ugly parts and the parts we want to pretend never happened are redeemed. They seemed pointless and they were painful at the time, but God retells our story and they become the moments when God's grace is most on display. We find ourselves asking, am i really forgiven of that? The fact that we are loved and accepted and forgiven in spite of everything we have done is simply too good to be true. Our choice becomes this, We can trust his retelling of the story, or we can trust our telling of our story. It is a choice we make every day about the reality we are going to live in
And this reality extends beyond this life
Heaven is full of forgiven people
Hell is full of forgiven people
Heaven is full of people God loves, whom Jesus died for
Hell is full of people God loves, whom Jesus died for
The difference is how we chose to live, which story we choose to live in which version of reality we trust. Ours or God's
When we chose God's version of who we are, we are living as God made us to live. We are living in the flow of how we are going to live forever. This is the life of heaven, here and now. As we life this life in harmony with God's intentions ofr us, the life of heaven becomes more and more present in our lives. Heaven comes to Earth. That is why Jesus teaches his disciples to pray "May your will be done on Earth as it is in heaven". There is this place, this realm, heaven where things are as God desires them to be. As we live this way, heaven comes here. To this place, this world, the one we are living in.
WOW! This changes how I live my life. It is how we live now that determines how we will live in eternity. It is just a continuation. That is amazing. That really challenged me to realize that I am forgiven, and that I can have an identity in Christ and that heaven can be lived here on earth because God made me a new creation. The old is gone and the new has come.

A friend of mine wrote this but I think it describes perfectly how I am feeling.

"For months I have been carrying around a deep longing in my heart. But everytime I examine it, I walk away unable to put into words. The ach fills me and I constantly feel it, but I cannot define it.
I ache for something that cannot be put into words. I ache for the touch of my creator. I ache for someone who is beyond words. My spirit cries for his spirit as deep calls out to deep. I cannot define my longing, it is not quantifiable or measurable and only the infinite and immeasurable can understand it and fill it."

A new year has begun. I am finished with my first week of classes and I am overwelmed. Welcome to college life Beth Burkey. I have realized that I have been really blessed the past year and a half because the work load was not that hard. Well that is about ready to change. I don't know how I will get through it but it will only be by God's great grace.

I also just found out that I have been accepted into the social work program at IWU. I am really excited. I have found the major where God wants me. I don't know what he wants me to do with my degree but he will reveal that in his time. In the meantime I will trust him and allow him to guide and direct me on the path that he wants me to walk down. He is teaching me so much. If I could sum up my life in a couple of sentences it would be: God has placed a holy discontentment in my heart for where i am at in my walk with him. I desire to step away from religion and to step into the unknown realm where Jesus lives. I desire to be a disciple of his. I desire a pure and authentic relationship with Jesus Christ. I desire to use the passions, talents and abilities that God has given me to impact the lives of those in need whether that be children that have been abused, neglected or sexually abused; young teen mothers that don't know where to turn, through the little sister i have through the big brothers, big sisters program, through taking a leadership role as a mentor in the new dorm on campus. I don't know exactly where but i have a passion for people.

He has also given me a passion for children that have been abused and for women dealing with domestic abuse. This is where my volunteer work is leading me and I cannot wait to see what God is going to do in this semester. I really would like to volunteer at an organization in Marion called Hands of Hope.

I read these statics and they amazed me. Things need to change and it is making me step into action to try to do something about it.

These statistics come from David Livermore's book Serving with Eyes Wide Open. The research supported these stats is well documented by the book.)
Population:
Every second, 4 babies are born. In the time that it's taken you to read the beginning of this post, around 60 newborns entered this story.
More than twice as many people are born each day than die.
There are 6.5 billion people in the world today.
20% live in China.
20% live in India.
5% live in the U.S.
55% throughout the other nations of the world.
Line up the 6.5 billion in a single file line, and it would wrap around the globe 110 times.
Nearly half the people in the world today are children, as compared to 20% of Americans are under age 15.
Poverty:
20% of the world live on one dollar a day.
Another 20% live on two dollars a day.
20% live on $70 a day.
The other 40% are somewhere in between.
The combined income of the 447 wealthiest people in the world is more than the combined income of 50% of the world's population (3.25 billion).
Americans (5% of the world) consume 50% of the worlds resources.Health:
30,000 people will die today because of preventable disease.
40% of the world today lacks basic sanitation facilities.
One billion people have unsafe drinking water.Displaced People:
More than 12 million people have been forced out of their native land (refugees).
Another 24 million have fled conflict and/or persecution and are displaced within their own country.