Exciting

So it is amazing how songs can express exactly what you want to say and how you feel. This is an amaing new song from nickelback. I am so excited that they have a new record coming out.

Vulnerable, full of questions and doubt

Still waters, heavy hearts. Plans I make all fall apart. Disillusioned and lost in the gray. How can I fix the heart when it breaks? Don't know how much more I can take. Just give it time.It's gonna get better. Now is not forever at all. Just give it time. Everything changes. Tomorrow comes today will be gone. Everything's gonna be alright. Just give it time, give it time. Quiet landslide when nobody knows. Regretted decisions that nobody chose. Under water and sinking fast. No way out, no way to get back. What might have been is lost in the past. When the world I'm in is still again
And it all fades out. I've reached the end, begin again now. Everything's gonna be alright. Everything's gonna be alright. Just give it time.

They say that time heals all wounds, but when you are going through those hard times it is hard to cling to that. It is hard when you cry out to God and all you hear is silence. I don't understand why God allows things to happen. I don't understand why my mom has cancer, why relationships fail, why rejection hurts so bad, why a man would think it would be ok to rape one of my friends or why a little girl is taken from her mother who loves her more than life or why a mother dies at such a young age leaving behind two kids and a husband. Silence can be deafening.

In the midst of the brokenness, I know that God has a plan and all i can see are the small pieces of a large puzzle. This verse makes me angry at God but at the same time it is reassuring. Deep down I know that he is control. He has our best interests in mind. And so I will take each day one at a time. I will learn to laugh again, I will learn to love myself again. I will learn to lean on my heavenly father. I will look in the mirror and see myself through God's eyes. I have a father who loves me the way I am and I am good enough for him.

"My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord.
“And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine."